Life Outline

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There's something begging me to put into language. We are there. It's here, even at the door!
Jesus in His building the church.
If Gad hadn't allowed me to go where I went. I would have hid myself away in the confines of the safety of the community church and shared supper with my family every chance I could get. But God didn't plan it so. He in His sovereign wisdom allowed a preacher to sexually molest me, allowed and even brooded over the amount of amount of activity He would sovereignty allow in my life. For thirteen years He let me see close up and personal lost people. Coming from the safety of a happy Christian home this was all so shocking. Three months after our wedding ceremony my husband took me to meet his family 3000 miles away from my family. Pregnant and in a family who knew English but spoke French with me in the room with them. My husband's twin brother would speak up on my behalf but they persisted. These were the years when I attended court dates, visited family in prison, found clothes in the night for someone thrown out on the street naked by a John. Sheltered my little children as best I could. Got into the drug scene in the sixties, met the addicted and helped the one who couldn't handle the needle anymore but needed to be fixed. Those were the years when I'd reach a new low and some miraclulous occurance would save my life again. It was these years that I was easily fell pray to a false cult. A casual careless comment by my father when I was fifteen came back when I met these people . They taught things out of the Bible that were true but Christians never covered those questions in Sunday School. These were the years when I was rejected over and over and taken back casually as if the children were baggage he could pick up and stow away at his convenience. Theose were the years of shattering.
Then there was the wonderful encounter with Edward st....................... THET NOT OF then cramming Bible into me, couldnt get enough, walking and talking and watching his miraculous leading and caring for me. The were years of tou difficult single parent parenting. They were also the years when the church looked sad to me, they fought with each other and threw out good pastors and ripped the tender hearted apart. These years taught me ............Moved two more severally difficult times in two churches. Still seeing Gods goodness and leading. Until suddenly it seemed that He'd taken out all the props and let me fall. He led me up a tight narrow road and I didnt fear one step and suddelnly I was alone. I got mad. He couldn't even find me a man, and Id been so good. So well behaved. So I went looking for them. Let me tell you about the occult again. Water witcher. Horoscopes.
Dan years.

In an eleven year period of my life all of my men except my brothers and nephews died. One at age 35, one 23 and one 18 and my 90 plus father. Through work by guardian angels who listened and obeyed the commands of the Commander of the Heavenly armies. Did as scripture says *** are working for those who are being saved.
My salvation experienced at in the most real and wonderful way. We had daily Bible and prayer, girls day and boys, (11 siblings eventually) Dad was reading that horrible list in the book of Revelation that lists the kind of people who would find themselves in the lake of fire and when Dad read the last word ... and all liars - I was so convicted. Like a punch to the belly. And then a quick about face in my thinking that I would be truthful. So from that day (from the day the Triune God pictured my story. I was to be a seeker of truth. A lover of truth. It was in God's plan that though he whispered to me to write the letter to end the engagement to the young man who had asked me to marry him. I knew not to but God arranged it so that my Dad wanted it that way. Through that I spent years learning very close-up how lost and blind and afraid and angry and helpless and that's for starters. How cruel, dominating, intimidating, manipulating , hard and unloving. Lost humanity is a horrible thing. The unfulfilled image four being made in His image. The likeness of God. The Devil has thrown it all at me. In this wonderful story Gad wept with me, though I didn't know it, He lifted me when there was nowhere up our or out. He delivered me when. He crushed me back down like soft clay to do a remake for several years. And somehow through the huge highs and horrible torments I was drawn closer and closer, deeper and richer, more alone and never lonely. Once I asked Him in one of those periods like the prophet Hosiah *** wife I went chasing after things my own desires. sometimes having the wrong concept of God, thought He had deserted me. Between those times when I was in intimate fellowship with Him, revelling in His Love.
All the things that drove me away from God came from the church from the inside of gods house. we've been shamefully ................ in our disregard for what God's interests are. Selfish. So I can say God blesses me see I'm his favorite kid naa naa and they huddle together in masses and teach themselves a doctrine that will legitimize their shutting out the needy. The most prevalent of all is God forbid that my children might touch one of "them". Who's that new women. Well get the visiting ladies drop by to make sure that grandson is living by the rules. He sure has a lot of friends. The its but she's certainly looking for one of the men in church, maybe even mine. Did I hear she was married TWICE (yes, and common-law' too).
When it all happened at the beginning 3000 were added to the church in a day. At least half of them down and out sinners, down and dirty, just as lost and lonely then as now. Suddenly the gospel. Christ in us the hope of glory. Not an ephemeral 'spirit' that is the universe as the global church is preaching. But the Resurrected Jesus Christ. Was with us is in us.
Now why, in my case, would set it all up.
Whoa . . I hear you screaming "God doesn't cause you to sin." I have repented sincerely for more than you would ever imagine. One time the crushing guilt of all those that I could have "won to Christ", "witnessed to", for the years of waste, for the harm to my children and grandchildren. But God turns everything to bring glory to Himself. I have been the prodigal daughter who's elder brother despises for her closeness to the Father and that He did all the work and missed out on all the parties. I am here to tell you the hardest and most wonderful trip you'll ever make is to the foot of the cross with all your filthy rags of self-righteousness. With all your excuses why you cant love this one or visit that one, with all your giving with the express purpose of drawing attention to yourselves.
I'm not talking to the few that God sprinkles among the many along my path. Judged as a teenage harshly judged, When I was in my 50's an an old 90 year old man who had known me then quietly said, In those days (14 yr old) my wife and I prayed for you. that one prayer many years later made up for all the others who judged. The beautiful Ukrainian woman with the smile that lit up her who being would hug my children (embarrassing but they loved it). She made up for all those others that passed the word that I was d.i.v.o.r.c.eed. We had one invitation to some one's home in the eight years we attended. I'm so glad they permitted me to teach a Sunday school class of eight year old children. To be shunned and leave as quickly as possible is one thing. But to stay for eight years trying to just be one of the family.